Alright Gents. Here is a good one. If you are in the market for a lady there is one thing that you must avoid at all costs. Now, some would say the “friend zone” and while I agree that you should stay as far from F/Z status as possible, the F/Z is actually something that can be overcome. Not easily, but it can be. What I am talking about is far worse. Once you have this there is no turning back and you are better off starting from scratch somewhere else and with someone else. Alright are you ready? Here it is: Don’t be creepy. Do. Not. Be. Creepy. Once a woman mentally labels you as creepy it is a guarantee that you will never, ever, ever see her naked or any of her friends or coworkers or anyone she has ever met for that matter. Don’t ask me why. Don’t question it. Just take my word for it. No amount of time, effort or money can revoke your creepiness status once it is etched in her brain.
Some of you are sitting on your perch thinking of the dudes in their 30s, 40s, 50s hanging out in the club on 18 and over night. Or the same dudes milling around the pools and beaches in Cancun during spring break and not even trying to be discrete with their gazes. Yes, that is creepy and those guys are the easy ones to spot. However, some of you have been creepy and may not even have realized it at the time. I know for a fact that I have been creepy. For those of you who are introverted you have to try a little harder than your extroverted friends to not come off as creepy. That’s just life.
I am not into the “pickup artist” nonsense and am not telling you how to get women. I am merely telling you what NOT to do just to give yourself a chance. Most of the below tips relate to being at a bar since that’s where most of you common dudes try to find yourself a woman. So as you read them, think hot bartender or hot girl sitting at the bar. Of course these may not apply if you look like Brad Pitt in Fight Club. But if that were the case you probably wouldn’t be reading about common dude stuff. Anyway here are the top 5:
- Do not excessively stare. This should be your number one goal. Many women have developed a sixth sense after years of being leered at and ogled. They can immediately sense your creepy eyes undressing them and once they do, that’s it. Ironically, once she is your girlfriend—do just the opposite. Stare and stare and stare. But you can’t start off that way.
- Going to a bar alone is fine. I often prefer to fly solo. But if you do, you must talk to people. It doesn’t matter who. The dude next to you, the older couple standing by you, the male bar-back, anyone. Be social. If you just plop onto a stool, order 2 to 5 beers, say nothing to anyone and look at your phone the entire time you run a very high risk of being thrown into the creepy pile.
- Don’t bombard her with Facebook messages or texts. Ok so somehow you managed to find her on Facebook. That in itself will creep her out to a certain extent if she wasn’t the one who gave you that information. But let’s say she did–saying “hey” every other day or even every week if she isn’t responding will creep her out. Fast. Women know how to get ahold of you if they want to. And while I am on the topic of Facebook—don’t start “liking” every GD photo she was in since middle school. That is a sure ticket to creepy-ville. In fact, don’t “like” anything on her FB.
- “Where’s my hug”. Just don’t. Believe me, if she wants you touching her you will be the first to know. I have seen this play out with bartenders many times and I got creeped out just by seeing it. This is certain to make her think of her creepy Uncle or her dad’s creepy friend. Is that how you want to be pictured?
- No sour grapes. Ok—you tried. She said no. Don’t become an aggressive asshole and start insulting her. It’s creepy.
Bonus: Don’t tell a woman to smile if she’s walking around with a frown or looks deep in thought–particularly if she’s working. It may or may not creep her out but it is certain to annoy the sh#t out of her.
There you have it. The Common Dude’s guide to not being creepy or at least a starter kit. Good luck out there.